results

it is another terrible semester. Another horrifying CAP. Looking at them, I really feel a little awkward, I do not know whether to be thankful or to be sorry for it. It is as bad as last semester. Sad to say.. It's weird why i should be thankful for such pitiful results right? I know. But i thought probably it could have been worse. Imagine doing only 2 essays when I was suppose to do 4 during exams? Imagine writing an essay with zero knowledge about what you're writing? Imagine failing your mid terms? I probably deserve the lousy results. But still, I thank God for His grace, it really could have been worse..... I had never been a great student, since secondary school, I've been failing all my exams, except for the major ones like 'O's and 'A's. In fact, it wasn't really good anyway. I even got a triple F in my JC 2 mid terms. It's already a miracle for a student like me to be able to make it to university. Amazing huh? I had never imagined myself to be competing with scholars from different countries, or even just the students from the rest of the top JCs, I had never thought that I can be where I am today. We are of different league you see? I'd never been to a reasonably GOOD school you know? I don't know how does it feel to be smart? or to compete with Smart people. And here i am, suffering the taste of defeat. the taste of being at the 'bottom'. It don't mean nothing. It hurts to know that you not there! not even close to 'there'! It's very much similar to the rest of the areas of my life. NOT 'THERE'! It's painful to even admitting that to myself. 3.6 to 4.5. wow. That's really enouraging. yet, it doesn't really seem very realistic to me. It's not very applicable to me no? Well. I still have a hope. I still do have this tiny winy hope. from triple F, from L1R5 21, i can get here. so why not again right? I've gotten myself into commitments which i can't escape from. and i really really pray that next sem will be better. I can't get any worst already! I really CAN'T! I feel bad to be so incompetent and helpless in my studies. Eileen Tan, Stop your rubbish. You can't stay lousy! Move on!!! YOU HAVE TO DO WELL YOU HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!