I know it's a little too early for this post, but i just had the urge to sum up my 2009. I hope you will be encouraged by this post and see how good God is.

Look what He has done to me and for me throughout this entire year.

Danced as a RHetard for the first (and last) time
Danced for EMCC and blast! for the first (and perhaps last) time
Co-directed Ai Wu Xian for the first time
Winning a squash match with pride for the first time
Songled in cell group for the first time
Got water baptized for the first (and only) time
Sang in mains for the first time
Sang for mission trip for the first time
Emerged for the first time
Choreographed for concert for the first time
Worked and danced at the same time for the first time
Complimented for my choreography for the first time
Became the pioneer batch of a zone for the first time
Was happy to be a Jessica for the first time
Songled in a zone prayer meeting for the first time
Interned a good intern for the first (and hopefully only) time
Had a memorable 21st birthday for the first (and last) time
Found awesome friends who share the same vision as me for the first time
Songled in Chinese Church for the first time
Signed up for SOT for the first (and only) time
To have Sun back for Thansgiving (and left a deep impact on me) for the first time
Experienced the joy of seeing my friends wanting to love God all over again for the first (and hopefully not the only) time
Witnessed my dad respond to the altar call for the first time

Seriously, what can i say?
2009 had been a year of breakthroughs for me. I'm looking forward to greater things in 2010.
Friends, walk with me.

Chinese Church

i led two praises today. and am grateful that everything went smoothly, though i'm expecting another nightmare when i see the recording. ha. the night before, all i could feel was fear; self-doubt, unconfident, hopeless. and just with one page in a book, everything was turned upside down. god-sent it was. i led with all my heart and enjoyed every single moment on stage. though it might not be good enough for many, i am proud to say that I'd gave my all this morning. every good feedback will be logged in my heart and every lesson learnt will be logged in my mind.
He came true for me, as always.

praise was good today (logged)
i need you to sing and sng with faith (logged)

21st Birthday Party

It was a pleasant surprise.
And I was right.
Indeed, the best birthday party is always not self-organised.
I hadn't done anything deserving of that attention, that love and that kind of blessing. That's why I was so overwhelmed. People who saw me/ is seeing/ will be seeing me walk this walk all gathered to celebrate MY birthday. One word: Blessed. I teared like mad when i heard all those speeches, and I couldn't believe we had come so far. Though it was really embarassing, but whatever! I am just very grateful for everyone, every single one. :)
Thank you.

to alvan, may, simon, desmond, xiao rong, qihua, shu shan, alvin, hector, joyce, zihao, peter, yuan kang, michelle, darren, jace, alvin, julian, justin, joseph, wan ying, vivian, chee meng, adam, wai leong, jasper, victor, joyce, adi, jieyin, aries, jia jia ESPECIALLY TO EUZANNE. (Hope i didn't miss out anyone. :))

Last week my cousin cried over her break-up
This week my aunt cried over her marriage
That probably explains why I don't really dare to think about relationships or even be open to it.

Misunderstandings. Loneliness. Betrayal. Rejection.
Though i was young then, all those negative experiences with people are just so hard to forget. I can no longer remember the situations, but I can remember the pains. That explains why I seem so afraid to get close to people and why I don't even like people to physically be close to me. It's the echo of my history that never seem to stop resonating. I like what PK said in his blog, he said that God's ultimate purpose of putting us through crisis, heartbreak, misunderstanding and persecution is so that we develop perseverance, character and hope. Though I'm still quite reserved to myself, I'd no doubt grown stronger through the years and I believe I will grow out of this boundary SOON.

it's been long since i last .......

DECLARATION: NO PARTY FOR EILEEN'S 21ST BIRTHDAY

I'd decided to call off the idea of having a party, and i have no intention to celebrate and organise anything for my 21st birthday (although i had an awesome idea). Anyway, it's just another birthday, it won't kill to not celebrate. :) I am already glad to be alive and kickin, to be serving God, to be healthy and strong, to be blessed having my friends and family, to be loved and to be HAPPY. so what more do i have to ask for? However, since there is no plan, I'm available for meet-ups, mini celebrations, simple meal or whatsoever! *beams* Feel free to arrange with me ya? Before putting off my party, I was still hopeful about experiencing a fruitful birthday [with my the items in wishlist to be checked]. But now that there is no party, I think it's impossible. NEVERTHELESS (just let me indulge in my dream), here is my wishlist in case you feel the urge to bless. just kidding. don't feel obliged, these are just my wishful thinkings. here you go.

1. True friends
2. Joy (check)
3. Discipline
4. Good results
5. Personal Vocal Lessons
6. Dance classes
7. Piano/Guitar/Music lessons
8. Good earphones, watch
9. MESSAGE Bible and bookksss (time to transform)
10. Gym membership, Slimming pills, Slimming tea or anything that can help me lose weight healthily
11. Make-ups (check), Clothes, Bags, Shoes (check), Hair straightener, Hair products, Facial products (check) or anything that can help me look better
12. Free Hall Stay, Brooms, Dustpans, Alarm Clock (check), Good-paying temp jobs or tuition assignments or anything that can be useful which i move back to hall. :)
13. RUNNING/CONVERSE CANVAS SHOESSS... (6)

YEAH! it's over.
whether it was good or bad. I'm glad I did it, without fear. :)
some said it was good, some said it was ok, some gave comments, some never say anything. So the verdict will be out when I see the video myself. *clap clap* I'm really glad that I made it. I'm really glad that I was given a chance to try. I'm really glad, just glad. whatever the verdict, at least I tried!! weeeeeeee!!!!

thankful

22/11/2009
a day of breakthrough.
I do not know how things will turn out for me, but I will do my best and have fun. I saw, I believed and today I'll move. No fear can shake me! COME WHAT MAY!! It's time to party!!!!