i think i had already told many people how much i wish i could have an elder brother.
Despite knowing that the existence of a brother might change the life that I'm enjoying now, I still can't help but have this desire for an elder brother. Perhaps I'm idealistic, but the image of an elder brother is woofoo. I always thought by having an elder brother, he would be able...

To set an example for me to follow.
To know what are the right things to do.
To protect me whenever I'm in trouble.
To fight for me when I fear.
To listen to me when i cry.
To advise me when I'm confused.
To tell me stories of his life.
To bully me.
To play with me.
To be my source of reliance.

Being the elder has made me independent. It's good, yet sometimes, I just don't know who I can reveal my weaknesses to. Other than God, I realise I'd appeared strong. ok. Life has been good, so there weren't much chance for me to be weak.. Maybe I secretly hope that I was able to whine more, to always get what i want by sa-jiaoing.. Because I can't imagine myself doing those stuff anymore. I can only fight and achieve the things i want by doing the right things, by proving that I deserve them. Ha, stupid. Oh no, I sound like I'm complaining... haha. That wasn't my intention, but maybe I just want to have an avenue in which i can afford to be weak, lousy, and reliant.